Entering
week three of social isolation, I can’t
stop thinking about the lack of PPE for front line workers. I don’t see our government as gods who can
solve every problem circumstance throws at them but this aspect – the buying in
of equipment - could surely have been foreseen. I really do wish Boris a speedy
recovery but I am praying he does not present himself as a victorious general who
by virtue of his own vim and brio has overcame the enemy, thereby reducing
those who have died to weaklings. My fear of social Darwinism runs deep. The recent talk of 'herd instinct'
being a modern manifestation of this way of thinking. As I read of shopkeepers,
doctors, nurses and bus drivers taken from those who loved them before their time;
it makes me feel quite weepy.
On a more
personal level, a colleague’s daughter is currently trapped in an isolation center
in Vietnam and the conditions she writes about are not good. Her mother must be
going out of her mind with worry. Another colleague’s grandmother passed away
yesterday. My colleague is not sure if it was the result of dementia or the
virus. Our local council are advertising
for carers and I think of the brave souls who will take on these roles with
the deepest gratitude. One of the care homes needing staff is the same care home
whose staff helped to rehabilitate my mother only recently. A friend who lives
in Reading and works for a catering agency is driving to London every day to
work as chef’s assistant in a care facility, which also involves him dropping
off the meals at the elderly residents’ rooms/living areas. He told me how much
he enjoys chatting to them at a distance and how much they appreciate the
contact as well as the sustenance. He seemed
remarkably sanguine when he told me about it. He needs to work and they pay the
transport costs and the rate is good – he’s actually overqualified for the post
but thinks it worthwhile. My step-sister
who works in a Chemist has finally been given the PPE the staff have needed for several
weeks. I could moan - and actually have moaned on my Facebook
page - about the isolation of working from home but there is a lot to be said for
counting one’s blessings. Also, not spending much money I need to remember to
spread some of that build-up of income to those who are on the front line and
those who are finding this a lot tougher than a forcedly reclusive asthmatic in
a professional occupation.
My biggest
fear is that, when I go out again, I will contract the virus and die from it but
this is where staying centered, proportionate and grounded really matters. I
was talking to my Dad – a bit of a social Darwinist but sweet with it; he would
never advocate it as a government policy – and I had to say that as late baby boomer Western
woman, even although I have experienced some difficulties in my life, I have been
part of a charmed generation. I’m praying it stays that way for some considerable
time longer.
When I sit at my computer marking students' work, I find my
mind wandering at points and encountering bursts of memories I have unconsciously stored of people I
know and places I have been and being flooded with a form of gladness. I see the
sunshine lighting a street or a landscape and find myself tapping into the quality
of the memory. A memory of a meal or
sitting outside a pub laughing and enjoying the company of loved ones. It’s like
I am suddenly unlocking the unexpected quality of the – seemingly very ordinary
at the time - experience. The longing to be there again is almost exquisite and as
is the acceptance that that time has been and gone. The opportunity to spend time again
with those I love will be most welcome. As will drinking in the atmosphere of places but mostly of just being in the world with others.
Most of all, I am grateful that I am not alone; my lovely
husband is in the house with me and we have our front and back gardens and sufficient
toilet paper. The sun shines through the window; I am going to sit in the garden in a few moments and, later, we have been invited
to a Zoom party for a friend’s 50th birthday. Said husband who eschews
any form of social media, frowned at the idea of this. I look forward to seeing
how he handles it. Let’s hope it works.
